Meanwhile, a colleague came by my cube to excitedly tell me something he saw yesterday. Actually he said, “I know something that will make you happily waste gas and abandon your environmental ways.” I couldn’t think what could do that, but as it turns out, he was right. He saw a Ford pick-up truck painted in Orioles colors: the top of the cab was orange and the rest of the body was black. I immediately went online to see if this is a standard color option, but sadly couldn’t confirm that it is. Too bad.

Coincidentally, I was also browsing through the Orioles online shop since I get about ten email coupons a day. I have to admit that I find a lot of the Orioles memorabilia tempting. Perhaps it’s a tad self-indulgent, but an Orioles throw blanket would be so nice to warm me on chilly nights. These bottle stoppers are just too cute to resist. Who can do without a sticky note cube? The most useful and practical item for sale though? A clue that those high up in the Orioles organization are catching on? Is this. Pair it with a Orioles emblazoned pill bottle, with separate compartments for blood pressure meds, Xanax, and uppers, and I think they’ll have a hot seller. Or, maybe they’re just planning to sell joints at the ballpark.

A friend of mine isn’t a baseball fan. He’s from D.C. and should be an Orioles fan, but nevermind. This summer, I started an education program to teach him that if he can’t like baseball, he can at least hate the Yankees. He’s a fast learner. Mostly because of a highway incident a few months ago. The driver of an SUV that had a huge Yankees magnet plastered on the back of the car cut him off and nearly caused an accident. The same friend told me that yesterday, there was a white sedan behind him on the highway, driving aggressively and recklessly, weaving in and out of traffic. He could see in his rear view mirror the front license plate (North Carolina only has one plate on the back). It was none other than a Yankees novelty plate. I don’t even need to do any convincing, the Yankees fans make people hate them all on their own.

Yes, I do want to solve world peace, but that doesn’t mean that certain people don’t need to be exiled and locked in cages.