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Orioles Clairvoyant

Because I’ve been flooded with emails from my fans inquiring as to how I became so utterly brilliant and know so much about the Orioles, I’ve decided to put together a little summary of some of the questions and answers to help the rest of you who aren’t as gifted, but are too shy to ask for guidance.

Hope it helps.

ES Fan: Enchanting Sunshine, how did you know that the Orioles would do so well this year?
ES: I keep telling you, the Orioles are in my DNA and I bleed orange. We have a spiritual connection that normal people can’t understand. Plus, it was a simple question of statistics.

ES Fan: But, how do you know that this isn’t just a fluke and that they won’t fall apart later in the season?
ES: Three reasons. One, we got rid of that cry-baby Tejada. Two, we have a manager who demands respect and is passionate about the game. Trembley doesn’t tolerate this “what can you do for me” arrogance. It’s about team
and “what can you do for the team.” Third, we finally have some pitchers that allow us to be competitive.

ES Fan: To what do you attribute the Orioles success? Do you think it was one of the players we acquired during the off-season?
ES: Pay attention this time. It’s not one player, it’s the amazing teamwork this team is showing. Though I admit a couple of times I have wanted to propose to Jones and Trembley. And Millar. And Hernandez. And Mora.

ES Fan: But the Ys paid A-Rod $275 million dollars. The Orioles don’t have that kind of payroll?
ES: Money can’t buy love. It also doesn’t buy teamwork. Most importantly, money is no longer buying HGH for the cheater Ys since the Mitchell Report. The playing field has been leveled.

ES Fan: That’s not really fair, is it? There were plenty of Orioles accused of doping too.
ES: Do you want to have this interview or don’t you?

ES Fan: How about our relievers. They really need some work. What about Aquino for example?
ES: I concede that point, but they’ll get better with each game. It’s true though that we might have to have Aquino put down if he has another outing like the other night. I may volunteer for the job myself.

ES Fan: Do you think Wild Bill lifted his curse this season?
ES: You don’t get it do you? Wild Bill, though he may have been mad at the Orioles offices, loved this team as much as I do. He wouldn’t have been capable of cursing them. If anything, it was his positive energy that brought this team good luck. Judging by my own experience for example with how many years it takes for prayers to be answered and the untimeliness with which simple wishes are granted when I’ve long ago made new requests, I’ve ascertained it takes a long time for anyone on the other side to hear you. Similarly, it’s clear that it’s taken a few months for Wild Bill to get situated and get things back in order up there.

ES Fan: I know you’re not really superstitious, but do you think your attendance at Opening Day had anything to do with the team’s success?
ES: Duh!

ES Fan: Do you secretly blame Mindpinball for the Orioles not sweeping the Ys?
ES: A little bit. Yes. No, really I’m kidding. He like Wild Bill, Dempsey’s Army, Wayward Oriole, Weaver’s Tantrum and the rest of us in the diaspora are nothing but goodness for the team. Again, me especially.

ES Fan: So what are your predictions for the rest of the season? When will the winning streak end?
ES: In October, after we win the World Series.

ES Fan: Thanks for your time.
ES: My pleasure.

This entry was posted on 30. April 2008 at 18:42 and is filed under 2008 Season. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.

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One Response to “Orioles Clairvoyant”

  1. Mind Pinball says:
    30. April 2008 at 19:16

    Whew… thank you.

    Glad to know that once again, I am blameless.

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