28. October 2007 by Orioles Fanatic.

Ugh!

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27. October 2007 by Orioles Fanatic.

Just had to share this excellent listing on Craig’s List. Maybe I should buy it so that I have something to trade when the Orioles go to the World Series. By then, as an antique, it ought to really be worth a lot of money, don’t you think?

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19. October 2007 by Orioles Fanatic.

We interrupt this program to bring you another episode of “Hate the Yankees.”

I didn’t watch what I call the “Pre-Playoff Playoffs” for two reasons: 1) I wanted to give my husband a break from baseball since he so patiently endured the Orioles with me all summer and 2) I still refuse to recognize the games as post-season play. I know it’s been a lot of years since they were added, but I don’t like change. (I still haven’t warmed up to the inter-league play either. The only good thing about it is that it gives me a chance to watch the Orioles in Atlanta, which is half the distance to Baltimore. Still, I feel like a jerk Red Sox fan when I cheer for my team.)

Since my husband willingly allowed the dial to be turned to the Playoffs this week, I’ve really enjoyed watching the Red Sox get spanked. I discovered something though. I don’t hate the Red Sox. Who knew! It’s their fans that are the problem. The fans have always been obnoxious, but I really have nothing against the team itself. That said, I won’t ever cheer for them, but I don’t wish the ill on them that I do on the Ys.

This was a very encouraging thing for me to discover because I don’t like hating and we all know that there’s enough hatred for the Ys to fill up all the hatred slots in a person, and with USAIR trying to squeeze itself in too, well, there ain’t no more room. I also discovered that there was one Y I liked, Joe Torre, but he was too good for them and they couldn’t tolerate all that goodness on their evil, greedy team.

At any rate, the playoffs have been a great reminder of what real baseball looks like. Even though the Indians lost last night, in general the fielding and pitching have been fun to watch. I have been trained by the Orioles not to exhale until after the very last out in the 9th, so I was unnecessarily nervous watching the win on Tuesday night. In the top of the 9th, with one man on base, two outs and two strikes, I caught my leg wiggling anxiously, realizing that, were this the Orioles, this would be a perfect opportunity for the opposing team to hit a home run and tie up the game. After all, the Indians were only up by two runs. Is that enough in a normal game? I couldn’t remember…

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12. September 2007 by Orioles Fanatic.

It’s 11:54 as I begin writing this. It’s been a hectic night packing and getting ready for our vacation. “Do I have everything? What am I missing?” I keep asking myself. Back and forth I went to the suitcase all night, stuffing it until I could barely get it zipped. I think I’m all packed now except for my computer, but my husband is still busily traversing floors and there’s a lot of zipping noises coming from the bedroom.

Let me start by apologizing to my mother-in-law for the following small diatribe about the Orioles…

I managed to watch a few innings of the game tonight in between packing - one of the benefits of a DVR. My husband happened into the living room just as Trembley was throwing down with the ump and rewound for me to the beginning of Tejada’s triple. So, happily I got to see some Orioles runs score. The DVR cut off at the end of the seventh, so too bad I missed the rest of the game, including the SEVEN additional runs scored against our UTTERLY WORTHLESS LOSER team, for a final score of 18-6. Yes, 18-6.

This isn’t football. Those are 18 individual points. Poor Trembley. No wonder he’s showing some Earl-like tendencies. Even my husband yelled at the TV a little tonight and then he laughed heartily, as he always does at the Orioles, because it’s the only healthy response, and he’s able to keep the perspective I’m incapable of.

I imagine the PTSD is getting pretty severe with the players by now, their minds replaying an endless loop of hopelessness. At least when they test positive for Xanax and Prozac, no one will accuse them of doping for performance enhancement. In fact, I think we might be on to why they seem to be unable to complete a sprint to make an out and seem to be in such a state of numb apathy. If they aren’t on anti-depressants, don’t you think we’d have seen a least a couple of all out breakdowns by now? Uncontrollable, inconsolable sobbing, hugging their knees at second base. The fact that I haven’t once seen anyone rocking in the dugout proves that the whole team must be severly medicated.

Okay, end of the diatribe.

I’m really excited about vacation now. I didn’t work much today, or more accurately, at all. I mean, I “worked from home” this afternoon, which included baking chocolate chip cookies for my friend who is taking care of the house and our sweet kitty while we’re gone. It was a good day all around. My husband took a certification class and passed with flying colors. My contract was renewed with the client so I may still have a job when we get back from vacation.

Tomorrow we’ll be flying, theoretically, if USAIR (dirty, no good bastards) decides to let us onto the plane. We plan to be at the airport at 6:45 a.m. and even though we’re close to the airport that means that the day is going to start pretty rough for two people who can count on one hand the number of times they’ve seen the sun rise in forty years. I will start updating the website with pictures as soon as we have Internet access.

Until then, Happy 5768!! (Only two more days to check the 35-39 box)

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10. September 2007 by Orioles Fanatic.

…is like a day without sun. Or is it a day without the pummeling force of hurricane winds, hurling tree trunks at us and wrapping powerlines around our bodies and thrashing us repeatedly to the ground? The Orioles are so bad, I forget.

Anyway, the Orioles are off tonight which means I am forced, mostly against my will, to spend my time and energy doing something else, something productive perhaps. I guess this will give me a taste of what October will bring when my tv goes dark, spiritually speaking, and I have to go back to watching Desperate Housewives, Grays Anatomy, and Brothers and Sisters (that is a great show!).

I have to confess that we never made it to the Greek Festival yesterday, the first time in at least six years that we haven’t been. What can I say, the timing was bad. And no, I’m not ready to admit I have a problem.

So…what to do with myself tonight…I know I have things I should do…that I used to do…I forget…

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9. September 2007 by Orioles Fanatic.

I heard this crushing news from Camden Chat. I’m pretty naive and I blame myself for being so out of touch with the Orioles for the last few years, but the news hits hard. My Orioles, my Orioles doping? No, please say it isn’t so.

I heard the news a few years ago about Rafael Palmero, but I thought he was an isolated case.

The Orioles are my team, and I can stick by them through decades of losing, but doping/cheating is too much. I already have issues with the MLB, the players salaries, the expense of tickets, and accepting that stadiums are named after corporations. What has happened to us? Are there any limits to our greed?

I hope that further investigation vindicates the players, and reveals that the Orioles staff had no knowledge and did not condone or encourage such behavior.

Just don’t tell me that Cal doped too, or it will be the end of me.

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8. September 2007 by Orioles Fanatic.

Today’s word of the day:
commination \kom-uh-NAY-shuhn\, noun: 1. A denunciation. 2. A threat of punishment.

Let’s use it in a sentence.
1) Comminations have been issued from both teams for Daniel Cabrera’s intentional pitch to hit Dustin Pedroia in last night’s game.
2) After Cabrera nearly hit Dustin Pedroia with an intentionally aimed pitch towards his head, the Boston dugout emerged angrily onto the field. Despite repeated comminations to restrain himself, Cabrera continued to incite argument that resulted in the Orioles dugout, and both bullpens rushing the field in preparation for an all out boxing match.

Here’s a review. In the fourth inning Cabrera, nervous about Crisp on third, balked, sending him home and resulting in a 3-0 Boston lead. Now, I suppose, angry about this, Cabrera lost his cool and took aim at Pedroia. I’m so naive, I thought he must have done it accidentally. Our bullpen is so pathetic, I can’t even give them credit for having enough mastery over their pitches to control where they go. At this point, I just assume that when a pitch makes it over home plate, it’s by some extraordinary stroke of luck, especially since the pitches aren’t the sort to help the Orioles win a game. If they had control over the ball, one assumes the pitchers might understand their role as part of the Orioles roster to limit the runs scored by the opposing team. A look at the score of any game in the last month will clearly demonstrate this lack of understanding by the Orioles bullpen.

At any rate, Cabrera took aim at Pedroia and members of the Red Sox dugout immediately emerged onto the field. Instead of collecting himself, Pedroia continued to lose his temper, and provoke a fight. He had to be held back, first by one of the umpires, and later with the help of Melvin Mora. Both dugouts and bullpens spilled onto the field ready for the ensuing brawl. I bet as frustrated as the Orioles must be, they were itching for an opportunity to release some aggression. Palmer said during the hoohah, “They might as well just tackle each other.”

Narrowly, the teams escaped any punches being thrown, but I found myself almost wishing for someone to put Cabrera on the DL. It’s not bad enough that we can’t pitch, but then we act like school kids getting angry at the other team because we can’t pitch? Haven’t we endured enough shame at the hands of our pitching staff this year?

The rest of the game was pretty uneventful and no surprise, we didn’t score even one run.

I pity Dave Trembley. I think of his joy the day he accepted the job as manager and what a miserable experience managing the Orioles must have been for him since that day. I bet he lays awake at night trying to figure out new strategies, new lineups, new combinations of his pitchers and wondering how he let himself get in this situation. Poor guy, his bubble burst, a long awaited dream turned nightmare.

Yet, for every press conference he maintains his composure, even last night, when he was struggling to hold back his frustration about Cabrera’s unacceptable behavior. He continues to stand up for his team and compassionately coaxed Cabrera off the field when he was ejected, deservedly, I might add, when I’m sure a part of Trembley really wanted to throw his own punch to Cabrera’s head.

The final score was 4-0.

So once again, I find that the Orioles surprise me in new ways. I can’t remember the last time I saw a bench clearing incident. And simultaneously, the Orioles are as predictable as the rising sun. Much like the sun they’re always in a lot of heat, they’re hard to look at, you stick around too long (past the sixth inning), you’ll get burned, and while they provide some warmth, sometimes you just need to get away from them and cool off.

Tonight’s game will be even harder to watch. The stadium will surely be packed with even more Red Sox fans and I’ll miss at least the first hour of the game. We’re having friends over for dinner and I’m afraid I’m going to be a rude hostess hurrying them out the door as quickly as possible. By the time I tune in, we’ll be down a good five runs if things are going well. At least we have the DVR so I won’t have to miss anything worth seeing. The question is, will there be anything worth seeing?

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6. September 2007 by Orioles Fanatic.

Here are two new words for tonight’s post:

toper \TOH-puhr\, noun: One who drinks frequently or to excess.
animadversion \an-uh-mad-VUHR-zhuhn\, noun: 1. Harsh criticism or disapproval. 2. Remarks by way of criticism and usually of censure — often used with ‘on’.

Can you guess the outcome of tonight’s game? Before you jump to conclusions, let me tell you that the Orioles took the lead in the first inning and came from behind twice. The game stayed tied for three innings until one team scored in the ninth. Can you guess who it was?

Oh, who am I kidding? If you didn’t know already that it was the Red Sox in the top of the ninth, then you’re either stupid or as hopelessly in denial about the Orioles as I am. Let’s be honest, those two words are synonymous. It is with great animadversion that I say it’s amazing I haven’t become a wretched toper by now. I’m only wretched.

Here’s the real animadversion, with the focus on adversion (to winning) and adversity, our baez team is really hoey. What should have been the first out in the top of the ninth, resulted in Coco Crisp getting on base because Brian Roberts was unable to pick up the ball. It’s true I haven’t played in the majors but that looked like a routine out to me. While Varitek was batting, Crisp made an attempt to steal second and was successful. Why? Again, he should have been out, but Hernandez’s aim is worse than a 3 year old’s and our fielders are no better. After that, Varitek’s line drive easily allowed Crisp to score and that was the go ahead run for Boston. Yet another crushing defeat.

It took about every ounce of willpower to not grab every object in the room and throw it at the tv. It’s maddening beyond description.

Someone in the chat room put a Boston hat on after that. I question how he can even own such a loathsome object, but I sympathize with his disgust. Even I feel like giving up. You stick with them through the whole game, just hoping for that ninth inning comeback, or even better, holding onto a lead they already have! What reward is there? If I feel this defeated, I can’t imagine what the team feels like.

On the other hand, what are their salaries again? I could stink for that kind of money.

They’re killing me. Toperism isn’t far off in my future. Tankeray, liquor of losers.

A small part of me feels like someone in the universe ought to take some pity on us. I mean, is it possible to lose this badly, night after night, by coincidence? A higher power must be at work, it’s the only logical explanation.

I’m not generally of the opinion that there’s an afterlife or all powerful forces at work, but it’s given me pause that before Wild Bill died, the Orioles were really close to third place - I mean with a lot of luck close to third. I told my husband all about how we were going to at least finish third, we were on such a roll. Since Wild Bill died, we don’t just lose, we lose in a hateful, make the fans bleed from their eyes kind of way.

As a rule, I don’t pray. I haven’t seen much utility in it in my life, but then maybe I’m just not one of God’s favorite people. At any rate, I don’t think I’m powerful enough to influence God to do what I want just because I’m miserable, or happy, or want it, or asked politely (and sometimes not so politely). But this team makes me hurt so bad, they’ve reduced me more than once to plaintive cries, “Please God, please let them get another out, please, and make this inning end,” and “Please God, please, can’t we use a pitcher from the other bullpen?” Once again in my life, prayer has proven to be futile.

I can barely feel anymore, my brain has made me numb to protect me from this repeated abuse. If you know me personally and happen to be reading this, wonder not anymore why I always expect the other shoe to drop. You see, as a lifelong Orioles fan, you never trust things that seem to be good until the event is done and passed and you have the pleasure of reflecting back on it, time unable to take steal your joy.

This is why I live by cautious optimism, “Sure things are great, but I’ll let you know at the end of my life how it all turned out. It’s just too soon to tell yet.”

As an Orioles fan, even in the ninth, with two out, and two strikes, and no men on base, with an Oriole lead, it’s just too soon to tell yet.

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5. September 2007 by Orioles Fanatic.

Sisyphus has nothing on the Orioles fans. Tonight’s game against Tampa, let me say that again so you get the full effect, Tampa, ended 17-2. Guess which team had 17 and which team had 2. We Oriole fans are running out of analogies to describe this team and this season.

Several times during the game I updated my husband on the score. He replied, “You act like it’s out of the ordinary.” Sadly, from his perspective, this is ordinary. This is the first season he’s ever been subjected to games, night after night. This is all he knows of the Orioles, with their hideous fielding and their…their…the word doesn’t exist yet to describe the bullpen. In fact the Orioles could probably coin a new word to describe the worst possible bullpen in baseball history. There was a time when I would have called it a “Stanhouse,” as in, “the Orioles stanhouse bullpen failed them once again.” Now though we have so many choices, how do you narrow it down. Baez? Cabrera? Hoey?

So I won’t waste your time recounting the details of yet another baez game with our hoey bullpen. You know the story already. At least I have the fans at Camden Chat. I’m so thrilled to have found them. They make me laugh, and remind me that I’m not alone. There might not be a big Orioles audience, and it might be decreasing at an accelerating (speed of light) rate, but at least we have each other.

Tonight daydztoe brought the Tankeray, the liquor of losers, moonshine of the Orioles fans. See a picture of it here. With his permission, I’ll post it later on the Orioles page.

Tomorrow night starts the series against Boston. Maybe if I start drinking with my morning coffee, I’ll be able to get through the game. One day at a time.

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4. September 2007 by Orioles Fanatic.

and call me a biscuit. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure what that Southern expression means, but I love it so much that I look for any opportunity to use it. My Southern accent isn’t bad either.

The Orioles WON. I know what you’re thinking, but fear not. You are okay. No need to make an emergency call to your doctor to report the sudden onset of Wernicke’s aphasia. You read that correctly.

I’m not guaranteeing that the world isn’t ending though and to be honest, I feel a little unsettled. There’s a kind of peaceful joy enveloping me and I don’t know what to do with it.

What I hope Trembley has realized is that just like with every dysfunctional relationship, the important thing is to break the existing destructive, entrenched pattern. Whereas normally we have the lead and then approach the opposing team and say, “Hey, would ya’ll like to win tonight?” and they reply, “Hell yeah” and we say, “Okay, hang tight. We’ll pitch you a bunch of homerun balls.” Tonight we tried something different. We decided to wait to score and then came from behind to win it.

I do seem to be gradually learning to take the Os in stride, and with some more exposure, I may yet be able to calmly watch a typical game without revealing my seething rage.

There’s only one more week of games for me. We leave next week for our vacation, so I hope I get to see a few more winning ones - particularly this weekend against the hateful Red Sox. Saturday we’re having friends over for dinner and even though they’re from D.C., they’re not particularly Orioles fans. I know, I find it appalling too. The good news is that through my influence they’ve learned to hate the Ys. I’m rather proud of that. One fan at a time.

Sleep tight, mes amis! Savor our victory!

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